How to Sound Like an Investment Pro…even if you are not

How to sound like an Investment Pro…even if you are not

by: Kendrick Chua, the Wealth Warrior

Imagine yourself in a small gathering and suddenly one of them started talking about stocks, bonds, real estate and practically everything related to investments. Not to be outdone, you joined him in the spontaneous discussion leaving others just nodding their head and saying, “right, right” or “that’s true, that’s true”.

If you don’t know how to talk and sound like an investment pro, you’d end up saying just those words. But if you do, you’d be flocked by the others who were utterly clueless on what the conversations were.

Just how do you talk like a pro? Before continue reading, there is one disclaimer to this article. This is not about how to invest like a pro. This is about how to sound like a pro. There is a big difference between the two and money is just one of them.

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Tags: humor

Funny Financial Quotes Part 2

Funny Financial Quotes Part 2

Who’s afraid of the depression? I’ve failed in boom times!

Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.

Maybe you can’t buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.

Never buy from a rich salesman.

Never put all your eggs in your pocket.

Unemployment helps stretch your coffee break.

I have to take my paycheck to the bank. It’s too little to go by itself.

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life – unless I buy anything!

Money isn’t everything – there are also stocks, bonds, letters of

credit, traveller’s cheques, drafts, …

Is it true that income tax is a form of capital punishment?

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can’t make me happy.

Borrow money from pessimists-they don’t expect it back.

A budget is just a method of worrying before you spend money, as well as afterward.

By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses; drag them down, it’s cheaper.

Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. (John Kenneth Galbraith)

Everything I owe, I owe because of my wife.

He who dies with the most toys is still dead

I used to think I was poor. Then they told me I wasn’t poor, I was needy. Then they told me it was self-defeating to think of myself as needy, I was deprived. Then they told me deprived was a bad image, I was underprivileged. Then they told me underprivileged was overused, I was disadvantaged. I still don’t have a dime. But I sure have a great vocabulary. (Jules Feiffer)

I wish the buck stopped here – I could use a few.

If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at those he gives it to.

It used to be only death and taxes were inevitable, but now there’s shipping and handling, too.

MONEY IS THE ROOT TO ALL EVIL — send $9.95 for more info

The reason we can’t take it with us is because it goes before we do.

Robin Hood had to steal from the rich – the poor were broke.

Shopping: The fine art of acquiring things you don’t need with money you don’t have.

Sixty percent of the country’s wealth is in the hands of women. They’re letting men hold the other forty percent because their handbags are full.

Veni, Vide, Visa: I Came. I Saw. I Did a Little Shopping.

Why do banks charge a fee on “insufficient funds”, they already know we don’t have any money?

Tags: humor

Funny Financial Quotes Part 1

Funny Financial Quotes Part 1

These are funny financial quotes I got from INDEXRIDER of www.income-tacts.com (http://income-tacts.com)

A fool and his money stabilize the economy.

Be content with what you’ve got, but be sure you’ve got plenty.

Easiest way to figure the cost of living: take your income and add ten percent.

If you would know the value of money, go and try to borrow some.

Ability is like a check, it has no value unless it is cashed.

The best way of “saving money” is to forget whom you borrowed it from.

According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.

Better latent than never.

Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work. ( like theTechnical Analysis)

Remember the golden rule: Those that have the gold make the rules.

Say no, then negotiate.

Creditors have better memories than debtors.

Don’t lend people money…it gives them amnesia.

The book you spent $20.95 for today will come out in paperback tomorrow.

The first time is for love, the next time is $200.

The one item you want is never the one on sale.

Tags: humor

New Financial Jargons

CEO- Chief Embezzlement Officer

CFO – Corporate Fraud Officer

BULL MARKET- A random market movement
causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius

BEAR MARKET- a 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.

VALUE INVESTING- The art of buying low and selling lower.

P/E RATIO- The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER – What my financial planner has made me.

STANDARD & POOR- Your life in a nutshell.

STOCK ANALYST- Idiot who just downgraded your stock.

STOCK SPLIT- When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.

MARKET CORRECTION- The day after you buy stocks

CASH FLOW- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.

YAHOO – What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.

WINDOWS- What you jump out of when you’re the sucker who bought Yahoo at $240 per share.

INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR- Past year investor who’s now locked up in a nuthouse.

PROFIT – an archaic word no longer in use.

Tags: humor